Nemesis' Parody
by R. Noelle Parks
Summary: In a four-part parody of 'Nemesis', this is the longest thing I have ever writted for FF.net!
1. Default Chapter

Hey! This is my first ever actually actual movie parody! It is of 'Nemesis'. Please, enjoy!  
  
'Star Trek' and all things related to 'Star Trek' do not belong to me. They belong to Paramount. Ok. With that out of the way, let the parody begin!  
  
We see the opening credits.. Hey, they spelled 'Nemesis' wrong! The 'E' is backwards! Gah! Oh, well. It's like a mirror for the other 'E'! Like Shinzon is for Jean-Luc!  
  
[Let's get to Romulus, shall we?]  
  
RomulanPerson1: We need to trade with the Remans.  
  
Praetor: Why?  
  
RP2: Because, we need to make ties with them, even after all the times we took their lunch money.  
  
Praetor: Why?  
  
RP1: Because-Hey!  
  
Tal'Aura: Will you three shut up? -cough- I mean.. I have a meeting with my mother. -she and the two Romulan people leave-  
  
Praetor: Oksies! Hey, you left your pretty- -he and all the others in the room decompose- Ahhhhh!!!!!!!  
  
[In Alaska]  
  
Picard: Duty. My life is filled with duty. I don't really like it, but that's OK, considering I don't really care. I mean, what is it with making first contact with 27 alien races, anyway? They all want to have a go at Will. -Deanna gives him a warning glance- Yeah.. Anyway, Have you thought about my needs? Blah.. Aren't you going to give in to my begging and pleading? Aren't you going to stay? -Puppy dog eyes-  
  
Will: No. No matter HOW MANY TIMES you beg and plead and all that junk.  
  
Picard: OK. Oh, and Beverly is going to Starfleet Med after this movie. I forgot to mention that.  
  
Beverly: I am?  
  
Picard: Yeah. I applied for it for you a couple months ago.  
  
Beverly: I thought you loved me! -Beverly starts to cry-  
  
Picard: Anyway, my new first officer is Data. He won't let me go on away missions, the Stinker..  
  
Data: Captain, you're not allowed to.  
  
Picard: I know. So Data?  
  
Data: Yessir?  
  
Picard: Shut the hell up.  
  
Data: OK.  
  
Picard: So, yadda, yadda.. Make it so. Ok, let's party! Whoooooopie!  
  
[A while later]  
  
Data: -onstage- I think this is the time to humiliate Will and Deanna in front of everyone now. -starts singing- 'We all live in a yellow submarine.. Yellow submarine.. Yellow submarine..'  
  
[Later in Picard's quarters]  
  
Picard: I've been saving this wine for a while.. I said it was for a special occasion. Well, my life has been pretty boring, not having anything to celebrate this with! It's from my family vineyard, y'know.  
  
Data: What's the point, sir?  
  
Picard: The point? Right! Umm.. Special events note the passage of time. They make us think about that special time when we go to the great starship in the sky..  
  
Data: Sir, aren't we 'in the sky' already?  
  
Picard: I'm talking about death, you idiot!  
  
Data: Oh..  
  
Picard: Anyway, Change is good. Remember that.  
  
Data: Will do.  
  
[On the bridge]  
  
Worf: I am not going to appear nekkid. Even though it's tradition for the Betazoid peoples.  
  
Deanna: Shut up, Worf. We listen to you go on listlessly about tradition and honor, and you won't do this for me?  
  
Worf: That's.. That's different.  
  
Deanna: No it's not!  
  
Worf: Yeah!  
  
Deanna: No!  
  
Worf! Yeah! *beep beep beep* Oh, look! Posotronic! Data, is it your brother?  
  
Data: Maybe!  
  
Picard: Hey, Geordi! Wanna whip out the Argo for me?  
  
Geordi: Uhh.  
  
Picard: Swwweeeetttttttt...-He, Worf, and Data follow-  
  
Will: Hey! Shouldn't I go?  
  
Picard: Yeah, but your wife would knock the hell out of me if anything happened to you, Mr. Troi.  
  
[On the planet]  
  
Picard: Yay! Yippee! This is awesome!  
  
Data and Worf: Uhh.. -Worf pukes-  
  
Data: I will always be baffled by the human predilection for piloting vehicles at unsafe velocities!  
  
Picard: I didn't understand a word of that, but OK!  
  
Worf: I don't feel so well..  
  
Data and Picard pay him no mind  
  
Data: The first signal is over there. This strategically formed Ion storm is messin' with my tricorder, so I cannot pinpoint the exact locations. This way, we can stay here longer, and-  
  
Picard: Data shut up and tell me where the signals are.  
  
Data: But sir, how can I tell you where the signals are if you told me to shut up?  
  
Worf: -pukes again- This is worse than zero gravity training.. (NOTE: This is a reference to 'First Contact')  
  
Data: Yay! We are near the signals! Let's get out and look for them!  
  
They get out and look. Worf finds an arm. Um, the arm grabs his ankle.  
  
Worf: Ahhh!!!!!  
  
Data: Lookie! It's an arm!  
  
Worf: Thank you, Captain Obvious.  
  
Data: I don't think you have the authority to promote me to Captain, Lieutenant.  
  
They go deposit the arm and go to find the other body parts. They find the other arm, the torso, the legs, and-  
  
Data: -getting out of the Argo- It looks like we found the head.  
  
Worf: It's you!  
  
Data: Well, how about that!  
  
Picard: Umm..  
  
B-4: Umm..  
  
Data: Cooooolllllllll!  
  
B-4: Cooooolllllllll!  
  
The four of them go back to the Argo. The ugly aliens are coming!  
  
Picard: Yippee! I get to use unsafe velocities! VROOM VROOM!  
  
Data: Captain..  
  
Picard: Right. Let's go! Oh, Data. Maneuver the shuttle pod over by that cliff. You do the calculations in that really advanced brain-type thing of yours.  
  
Data: Hang on; I'm playing Solitaire on my tricorder! -Picard glares at him- Oh, you meant now? OK. Hold on!!!  
  
Worf blows the enemy into a gazillion itsy pieces, and Data maneuvers the shuttle over by the cliff. Picard is a little pedal-happy.  
  
Picard: WHEEEEE!!!!!!! VROOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! -He drives the Argo off the cliff- YYAAAAAYYYY!!!! -Rethinks that- Wait.. I'm afraid of the deep void that is beneath me! (NOTE: Reference to the novel version of 'Nemesis') MOMMY!  
  
The Argo crashes into the pilot's seat.  
  
All Four: Oof.  
  
Picard: Swwweeeetttttttt....  
  
[In Sickbay]  
  
Beverly: -staring at B-4's eyes- Your eyes are MUCH pertier.  
  
Will: You need to stop dying your hair blonde.  
  
Data: Our eyes are identical, Doctor.  
  
Picard: How long will it take to put Humptey-Dumptey back together?  
  
Geordi: He's not an egg, sir.  
  
Picard: You know what I mean.  
  
Geordi: I know; I was just playing with ya. About ten years.  
  
Picard: WTF?! .  
  
Geordi: Just playing again.. An hour or two at most.  
  
Picard: That's better.  
  
Geordi: Heh heh.  
  
[In Picledoo's quarters]  
  
Picard: Tea. Earl Grey.  
  
Computer: Why do you always order that?  
  
Picard: Because I don't like change.  
  
Computer: What about that speech you gave Commander Data?  
  
Picard: Uhh..  
  
Will: There's a phone call coming in from Admiral Janeway.  
  
Picard: Put it through.  
  
Janeway: Wasssup, baldy?  
  
Picard: Admiral Janeway!  
  
Janeway: Yeah. I need you to go to Romulus.. Um, there's a new Praetor and I want you to go alone despite the fact it's a trap to capture you... -clasps hand over mouth- Oops! Did I say that? What I meant to say was I want you to go there and get this 'Political Shakeup' taken care of.  
  
Picard: Will do. Bye!  
  
Janeway: Bye!  
  
[On the bridge]  
  
Picard: Yo, Redshirt! Let's go to Romulus! Warp 5! -warning glance from Deanna- Um, Warp 8. Engage!  
  
Redshirt: Vroom!  
  
Will: Have you been drinking again, Sir?  
  
Picard: Maybe.. No, I haven't. Admiral Janeway said we could go to Romulus and meet this one Reman guy named Shinzon who just happened to be Praetor.  
  
Will: She didn't say he was Reman. Or that his name was Shinzon.  
  
Picard: Umm..  
  
[In the Observation Lounge]  
  
Data: Remus is like Mercury. Anyway, that's where the naughty people on Romulus go and get all dirty.  
  
Picard: How is Remus like Mercury?  
  
Data: One side always faces the sun. That side is really, really hot. The other side is cold. Everyone lives on the cold side.  
  
Picard: Oh.  
  
Data: Anyway, this Reman guy, Shinzon, is really good at fighting and stuff. He's never lost a battle.  
  
Picard: Ok. So, who's up for Buffalo wings? -everyone except Data and Geordi raise their hands- Ok! Let's go.  
  
[In Engineering. Geordi is downloading? Uploading? Info into B-4.]  
  
Geordi: Data, that's not cool. B-4 will know everything you know. He can pose as you, and kill us all! AHH!!!!  
  
Data: That won't happen.  
  
Geordi: Why not?  
  
Data: I will ask him not to..  
  
Geordi: -rolls eyes- Done. -takes the thingy out of Data's head. -  
  
Data: Bye!  
  
[On the bridge]  
  
Picard: Here we are... Waiting for Shinzon. I'm sure I have a bigger ship than he does.  
  
Deanna: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Picard: It shows how macho I am! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...  
  
Worf: Lookie! -points to uncloaking Scimitar-  
  
Picard: That's one big-ass ship!  
  
Will: Yeah...  
  
Worf: Um, it's hailing us.  
  
Picard: On screen!  
  
The Viceroy's head appears on screen.  
  
Picard: Wow, you're freaking ugly, Shinzon!  
  
Viceroy: I'm not Shinzon. I am his Viceroy.  
  
Picard: Viceroy, eh? OK.  
  
Viceroy: Why don't you and your chiefs of staff come and meet us!  
  
Picard: Aren't you going a little too fast there, pal?  
  
The Viceroy rolls his eyes and ends the transmission.  
  
Picard: He doesn't talk much, does he?  
  
[The Scimitar.]  
  
The main people except Geordi and Beverly beam over. The staircase room door opens and they go in.  
  
Picard: This is weird.  
  
Shinzon comes out.  
  
Shinzon: Sorry about this, but I don't really like light. All those years in the dilithium mines...  
  
Picard: Quite all right.  
  
Shinzon: Oooo! Pretty lady! What's shaking, Deanna?  
  
Deanna: I'm married.  
  
Shinzon: Oh, who's the un-lucky guy?  
  
Will: Me.  
  
Deanna: -smacks Will-  
  
Will: Ow.  
  
Picard: If you have anything to tell us about this stuff we are here for, tell us now, and let us get back to my ship.  
  
Shinzon: OK. We say we want peace. OK? Peace. Now, you may leave. Hey, Jean- Luc, come to dinner with you. I mean, with me. Ya.  
  
HAHA! Wait until I put up the second part in this four-part thing! 


	2. Second Part of Four

This is the second part of my four-part parody of 'Star Trek: Nemesis'!  
  
CrusherJaneway, yes, they did go to Alaska for the wedding... I have the script here with me, and I also have the novel version of 'Nemesis'. Trust me, the wedding is in Alaska.  
  
[In Will and Deanna's quarters]  
  
Deanna: I demand you come to bed!  
  
Will: Naw, I think I'm gonna work. Besides, you couldn't persuade me.  
  
Deanna goes and makes out with him at his desk  
  
Deanna: Does that persuade you?  
  
Will nods.  
  
Deanna: OK. Come to bed.  
  
In the bed.  
  
Will: This is good.  
  
Deanna: Yup, Will. You are da bomb!  
  
Let the mental rape begin...  
  
Shinzon: Hello, there. How are you doing this fine night?  
  
Deanna: Ahhh!!!!!  
  
Shinzon: Oh, well... He can't kiss you as I can, because he just can't.  
  
Deanna: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Shinzon: Don't be afraid of me, Baby! Why don't you ditch that Riker dude, and we can rule the universe together? -Shinzon's viceroy coughs- Well, my Viceroy will help us.  
  
Deanna: No. I love my husband. Besides, he's so much hotter than you are! What, with that goatee of his...  
  
Shinzon: Grrrrr...  
  
Deanna: AHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Deanna pushes Shinzon out of her mind.  
  
Deanna: NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Will: What's wrong, Baby?  
  
Deanna: Umm...  
  
[Romulan Senate]  
  
Suran: Hey, Shinzon, what's with bringing the Enterprise here?  
  
Shinzon: Umm, I have a reason.  
  
Suran: Then what is it?  
  
Shinzon: Shut up, you stupid Romulan! It's uhh... It's private. Besides, you need to learn patience. If you spend two-thirds of your life in the dilithium mines of Remus, you will learn patience. Those restroom lines were horrible!  
  
Suran: Yes, well... I'm sure we can do something about that.  
  
Shinzon: Too late! Now leave.  
  
Suran: But-  
  
Shinzon: Leave.  
  
Suran and everyone leave.  
  
[Scimitar]  
  
Shinzon: So, I was made to replace you.  
  
Picard: Um, how did they get my DNA?  
  
Shinzon: Remember that 'incident' with Doctor Pulaski?  
  
Picard: Uhh...  
  
Shinzon: Anyway, the government changed, so I wasn't needed anymore. I spent my entire childhood in the Reman mines. I had to go to the bathroom many times, and the man who became my Viceroy gave me all his bathroom privileges.  
  
Picard: That's really nice of him.  
  
Shinzon: Yes. Anyway, I'm sure you don't recognize the face.  
  
Picard: Yeah. I was much better looking.  
  
Shinzon: They broke my nose and my jaw. That's the writer's excuse for the different looks!  
  
Picard: What writer?  
  
Shinzon: Uhh... Right.. Jean-Luc, tell me about my past.  
  
Picard: I'll tell you about my past.  
  
Shinzon: Were Picards always warriors?  
  
Picard: Actually, I'm an explorer.  
  
Shinzon: Riiighhttt... Then, were you always an 'explorer'?  
  
Picard: Yeah, I am. My dad hates me now. He said 'Jean-Luc, you are gonna be a vineyard guy and like it!' But I said 'Naw, I think I'm gonna be an explorer. I'm gonna meet the Borg, and the Romulans, and the Remans.' He just laughed at me and said, 'What the hell is a Borg?' Well, I didn't know at the time, but I was going to.  
  
While Jean-Luc drones (No pun on the Borg intended!) on, Shinzon starts to snore.  
  
Picard: My mom, on the other hand, was happy for me. She said, 'Jean-Luc, you go and get yourself a starship. I won't stop you. I'll be happy for you. We'll get your brother to carry on the Chateau Picard vineyard.' So, I did go and get myself a starship, the Enterprise, and I was happy. So, what about you?  
  
Shinzon wakes up suddenly.  
  
Shinzon: What? What? What's the matter?!  
  
Picard: Well, I was telling the story about how I came to be an explorer. Would you like me to -  
  
Shinzon: NO! I mean, no. I heard it. I only looked like I was sleeping.  
  
Picard: Oh, OK. Well, let's go to the Senate.  
  
Picard stands in the Senate.  
  
Picard: What better way to spend an evening with my clone than right here, in the Romulan Senate. Sure, Shinzon. I'll take your hand in marriage... I mean, friendship. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that trust has to be earned.  
  
Shinzon: Sure, it does.  
  
[Data's quarters.]  
  
B-4 looks at Stellar Cartography.  
  
[Romulan Chamber.]  
  
Viceroy: Hey, shouldn't we be planning our evil plan?  
  
Shinzon: Naw. I don't feel like it right now.  
  
Viceroy: We're wasting time.  
  
Shinzon: Yeah, I know we are.  
  
Viceroy: Let's return to the Scimitar.  
  
Shinzon: Shut up! We're returning to the Scimitar.  
  
Viceroy: Didn't I just say that?  
  
Shinzon: Sure, you did...  
  
[Enterprise Bridge]  
  
Picard comes in.  
  
Geordi: Wassup, Yo?  
  
Picard: Nothing. What's up here?  
  
Geordi: Some programs were accessed without permission.  
  
Picard: Which programs?  
  
Geordi: Well, blah blah blah blah Stellar Cartography, blah blah blah blah...  
  
Picard: -gasp- NO!  
  
Geordi: Yeah, I know!  
  
Picard: Find out where it came from.  
  
Geordi: Sure thing, Cappie. Oh, and when the Scimitar decloaked, our sensors detected something funny.  
  
Picard: What was detected?  
  
Geordi: You're not going to believe this.  
  
Picard: Try me.  
  
Geordi: OK. Our sensors picked up evidence of Thusaroo Radiation. -Ominous music plays-  
  
Picard: -Music stops- Just evidence?  
  
Geordi: Well, yeah.  
  
Picard: Oh, OK.  
  
[Sick Bay]  
  
Beverly: Thusaroo Radiation is theoretical.  
  
Geordi: That's why the sensors didn't pick it up the first time.  
  
Beverly: That stuff is dangerous. It can destroy us in a matter of days.  
  
Picard: Then how can it be dangerous?  
  
Beverly: It emits- Vegetables. -More ominous music plays-  
  
Picard: GASP! But, if that happens, I'll be HEALTHY!  
  
Geordi: I don't want to eat my veggies either, captain. But we need to stop Shinzon.  
  
Picard: Yes, I suppose we do.  
  
Data thinks for a moment.  
  
Data: I need to go do something. Geordi, come with me, please.  
  
They leave.  
  
Picard: I wonder what that's all about.  
  
Beverly and Will shrug.  
  
[Picledoo's quarters]  
  
Jean-Luc is staring at a picture that looks surprisingly like Shinzon, even though we see in 'Tapestry' that Jean-Luc had full head of brown hair in the Academy. Beverly enters.  
  
Beverly: Hey, Luv!  
  
Picard: Hey, Bevy. Remember him?  
  
Beverly: No, I remember someone who had hair.  
  
Picard: Well, I lost it, and then I had a wig. OK?  
  
Beverly: OK. Whatever you'd like to believe, Luv.  
  
Picard: Yeah. I really wanted to believe Shinzon. But this Thusaroo Radiation can't be explained away...  
  
Beverly: I know.  
  
Picard: Whatever he wants, it isn't peace.  
  
Beverly: I know.  
  
Data comms Picard.  
  
Data: Captain, Geordi and I have found an advantage in this situation.  
  
Beverly: I know.  
  
Picard: What?  
  
Beverly: Sorry, I wasn't listening...  
  
Picard: OK. What is it, Data?  
  
Data: It's a surprise.  
  
Picard: OK. Be right there.  
  
[A turbolift]  
  
Deanna is humming 'Yellow Submarine'.  
  
Shinzon: Hello, Baby!  
  
Deanna: AHHH!!!  
  
Shinzon: What?  
  
Deanna: You're not here!  
  
Shinzon: Yeah, I am.  
  
Deanna: No, you're not!!!!!  
  
Shinzon: Shuttup. I am here. KISS ME, BABY!  
  
Deanna: AHHH!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Shinzon: Oh, well.  
  
Shinzon kisses her, and Deanna punches him.  
  
Shinzon: Ow.  
  
Shinzon leaves.  
  
[Some room on the Scimitar]  
  
Viceroy: Um, she broke the bond thing.  
  
Shinzon: Well, let's try again. I wanna get even. She hit me!  
  
Viceroy: No, that's enough for today.  
  
Reman Guy comes in.  
  
Reman Guy: Um, we've got that android on transporter lock.  
  
Shinzon: Swwweeeetttttttt...... I'll be on the bridge soon.  
  
Reman Guy: OK.  
  
Shinzon: Ow! It hurts, mommy.  
  
Viceroy: It's accelerating.  
  
Shinzon: You don't think I know that?!  
  
Viceroy: Well, I...  
  
Shinzon: Shuttup.  
  
Viceroy: Yes, sir.  
  
Shinzon leaves.  
  
[Scimitar Bridge]  
  
Shinzon: Yo! Bring 'im!  
  
B-4 (It's really Data.) appears.  
  
Shinzon: Begin the download.  
  
Um, they do. Shinzon goes and sits down in his chair.  
  
Shinzon: Earl Grey Tea. COLD!  
  
All the Remans and Data gasp.  
  
[Sickbay]  
  
Picard: Describe it.  
  
Deanna: Well, Shinzon was being naughty. That's all I'm gonna say. But, I think I should be confined to quarters.  
  
Picard: No. I think I should make you stay here, even though you ARE a liability. I-  
  
Picard disappears. Looks like he should have taken Worf's advice earlier in the movie!  
  
Will: Worf! Shields up!  
  
Too late, Will...  
  
[Scimitar]  
  
Picledoo is contained.  
  
Shinzon: Wassup, Baldy?  
  
Picard: Why am I here?  
  
Shinzon: You are so naïve.  
  
Picard: Really?  
  
Shinzon: Yeah, really. No, I was lonely.  
  
Picard: Really?  
  
Shinzon: No, I was being sarcastic.  
  
Picard: Oh...  
  
Shinzon: I need some of your blood. Five litres should suffice.  
  
Picard: Five litres?!  
  
Shinzon: No, more like one.  
  
Picard sees B-4/Data.  
  
Shinzon: Muahaha! That was the bait you couldn't refuse. It was really funny, stealing it from... Somewhere...  
  
Picard: Wow.  
  
Shinzon: Yeah. Anyway, it took a while to spread the parts over Kolarus III. Oh, and we had to create an Ion storm. That wasn't easy.  
  
Picard: Why am I here?  
  
Shinzon: Again with the naïve-ness. But, I suppose I should tell you. I did all of this so I could capture you.  
  
Picard: What is this all about.  
  
Shinzon: It's about destiny. It's about a human who isn't quite human.  
  
Picard: What do you want to be?  
  
Shinzon: Well, I would really like to be one of those Vulcan people.. Anyway, what do you see when you look at me?  
  
Picard: I see a young Human who wishes to be Vulcan.  
  
Shinzon: And I see an old bald man who thinks he is the center of the universe.  
  
Picard: I won't defend my life to you.  
  
Shinzon: My time here in this place is meaningless as long as you're still here. So, I need to get your blood and kill you.  
  
Picard: Ouch.  
  
Shinzon: Then, I'm gonna go for Earth and make everyone eat VEGETABLES!  
  
Picard: NO!  
  
Shinzon: Yes.  
  
Picard: This has nothing to do with the Federation, does it?  
  
Shinzon: Gee, you're smart.  
  
Picard: I know.  
  
Shinzon rolls his eyes.  
  
Shinzon: Anyway, I need your blood because you're the only donor with compatible DNA.  
  
Picard: I knew that. Beverly told me.  
  
Shinzon: Beverly? Whoa, she's hot! I didn't know she was smart, too!  
  
Picard: Hey! She's MINE!  
  
Shinzon: Aww... Bye, now!  
  
[Enterprise Bridge]  
  
Geordi: You know what?  
  
Will: What?  
  
Geordi: Chicken Butt! Heeheehee... No, the cloak Shinzon has is perfect! There's nothing there!  
  
Will: Except a cloaked ship.  
  
Geordi: Yeah, that too. I meant; there's no Tachyon Emissions or residual antiprotons.  
  
Will: Keep at it, Geordi mah man.  
  
[Scimitar]  
  
B-4/Data comes in.  
  
Data: Shinzon needs the ugly, foul, freakishly weird prisoner.  
  
Picard rolls his eyes. The guard releases Picard. Data gives the guard a Vulcan Death Grip.  
  
Reman Guard: Ugghhh...  
  
They leave.  
  
This was part two of four, which is half of a four-part whole parody of 'Nemesis'.  
  
Stay tuned for part THREE! 


	3. Part Three of Four

This is part three!  
  
[Scimitar]  
  
Picard and Data are walking... A group of Remans pass. They look at Data.  
  
Data: Keep on, you ugly fool!  
  
The Remans seem satisfied. They keep moving, unknowing what Data said was aimed at them.  
  
Picard: Tone it down a bit, Data.  
  
Apparently, neither did Jean-Luc.  
  
[Scimitar Bridge]  
  
Viceroy: Yo, Shinzon! It's time for the procedure.  
  
Shinzon: Swwweeeetttttttt...  
  
They go to the hallway.  
  
[Hallway]  
  
Picard starts to sing 'Yellow Submarine'.  
  
Picard: We all live in a yellow submarine...  
  
Shinzon and his posse come by. Data pulls Jean-Luc back.  
  
Data: Shut up!  
  
Picard: Aww, is Data-Wata mad?  
  
Data: How much blood did he take, anyway?  
  
Jean-Luc shrugs.  
  
[Over where Shinzon is]  
  
Shinzon: Doodley-doo! La la la la...  
  
They arrive at the holding place. The Reman guard is still out.  
  
Shinzon: Kill him and sound the alarm that Jean-Luc has gone missing! -Puppy dog eyes-  
  
The Viceroy does so.  
  
[Over where Jean-Luc is]  
  
Jean-Luc: Let's go!  
  
Data: Right.  
  
They run, until the alarm goes off.  
  
Alarm: BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... BEEP...  
  
Jean-Luc: Uh-Oh... Run for it!  
  
Reman guards are coming! Data runs for the door thing.  
  
Jean-Luc: Bang, bang!  
  
Data looks at the access-coding thing.  
  
Data: Wow! Lookie here! The Reman language has a lot of pictures, which represent a lot of letters! Like 'A', 'B', 'AB', 'BA', and 'ABBA'. And that's just a small sample of the whole meal, if you know what I mean...  
  
Picard: Data! While I find that interesting, we really need that door open!  
  
Data: Sure thing!  
  
Twenty minutes later...  
  
Picard: Alacrity, Commander!  
  
Data: What does that mean?  
  
Picard: I means, open the damn door!  
  
Data: OK.  
  
He presses a few more buttons and manages to open the door. Picard runs for it. When he gets inside, he fuses the door shut with his phase rifle. Uh- Oh! It's out of juice! He drops it and gets inside the small, randomly placed ship.  
  
Picard: Data, what do you suppose this is?  
  
Data: This is a small ship. Would you like me to drive, Sir?  
  
Picard: No. Can you open that big door over there?  
  
Data: Nope.  
  
Picard: Well, then there's only one way out.  
  
Data gulps.  
  
Data: Is that wise, Sir?  
  
Picard: We're about to find out...  
  
Data gulps again. Jean-Luc barrels through the door and kills those Remans that where standing by the door in the process. They fly though the ship and go through the staircase room window.  
  
[Scimitar Bridge]  
  
Viceroy: Hey, that captain and the android are in that tiny ship! Should I put a tractor beam out?  
  
Shinzon: Naw, because I know the Enterprise will get them anyway. So why bother?  
  
Viceroy: Sir-  
  
Shinzon: Oh, all right. Knock yourself out.  
  
Viceroy: Yay!  
  
He activates the tractor beam. Alas, Shinzon was right-Jean-Luc and Data were able to elude the Scimitar's tractor beam.  
  
[Enterprise Bridge]  
  
Will: Hey, what's that little speck?  
  
Geordi: That's obviously the captain and Data.  
  
Will: Oh. Well, transport them to one of the shuttle bays!  
  
Geordi: I'm on it.  
  
Geordi needn't have activated it, for Jean-Luc and Data were five metres from the shuttle bay door. Then, the Enterprise goes to Emergency Warp.  
  
[Scimitar Bridge]  
  
Shinzon: Hahaha! They won't even make it out of the Neutral Zone.  
  
The bridge is silent.  
  
Shinzon: Laugh with me!  
  
The bridge peoples start to laugh ungenuine-ly.  
  
Shinzon: That's better.  
  
The viewscreen comes on. Suran, Donatra, Tal'Aura and some other Romulans are there.  
  
Suran: Yo, Shinzon! Come over and tell us what's shakin'!  
  
Shinzon: No.  
  
Suran: Why?  
  
Shinzon: Because I don't feel like it.  
  
Suran: Why?  
  
Shinzon: Because I am dying.  
  
Suran: Why?  
  
Shinzon: Because-Hey! I don't have to tell you!  
  
Suran: Why? I mean, OK. But, I'm not satisfied. Why did you bring the Enterprise here?  
  
Shinzon: I have my reasons, you stupid Romulan.  
  
Suran: I'm still not satisfied.  
  
Shinzon: How's this; in two days, the Federation will be crippled beyond repair due to having to eat vegetables.  
  
Romulans: Gasp! Not vegetables?!  
  
Shinzon: Yes. Now, I've got to do stuff. Bye!  
  
The transmission ends.  
  
Tal'Aura: What's the matter with his face?  
  
Donatra: He's dying, you idiot.  
  
Tal'Aura: Right.  
  
They all head for the door. Donatra brings Suran aside.  
  
Donatra: Are you prepared in demolishing an entire race due to vegetables? His naughtiness will mark us and out children for generations.  
  
Suran: The movie?  
  
Donatra: What?  
  
Suran: 'Generations'. You weren't talking about that movie?  
  
Donatra: No, I wasn't...  
  
Suran: Oh.  
  
Donatra: We need to stop Shinzon.  
  
Suran: Right.  
  
[Data's Quarters]  
  
Data activates B-4.  
  
Data: Howdy!  
  
B-4: I can't move.  
  
Data: No, you can't. Nor will I allow you to.  
  
B-4: What?  
  
Data: Oh, never mind.  
  
B-4: Can I move now?  
  
Data: No.  
  
B-4: Now?  
  
Data: No.  
  
B-4: How 'bout now?  
  
Data: No.  
  
B-4: Please?  
  
Data: No.  
  
B-4: Why?  
  
Data: You're dangerous.  
  
B-4: I am? Why?  
  
Data: You could be used against this ship. That's dangerous.  
  
B-4: Oh. Can I move now?  
  
Data: No!  
  
B-4: Why?  
  
Data: I just explained it to you.  
  
B-4: OK.  
  
Data: I must deactivate you.  
  
B-4: For how long?  
  
Data: Indefinitely. Or, for your really small matrix, forever.  
  
B-4: How long is tha-  
  
Data: A long time.  
  
[Various Scenes from around the ship.]  
  
We see a Redshirt fall over the railings in Engineering.  
  
When that one guy who was patted by Jean-Luc was, well, patted, he went into hysterics and fell off the railings in Engineering.  
  
Five people get drunk in the Ten Forward and fall off the railings in Engineering.  
  
Picard: Captain's personal log: We're going to Federation space. I don't think we'll make it, but I won't show my crew this. Like a thousand other commanders on a thousand other battlefields throughout history, I wait for the dawn.  
  
[Scimitar Bridge]  
  
Shinzon is unhappy. The Viceroy feels his chest.  
  
Shinzon: How long do I have?  
  
Viceroy: A matter of hours.  
  
Shinzon is even unhappier at this news.  
  
Shinzon: How long is it until we reach the rift?  
  
Viceroy: The really continual 7 minutes.  
  
Shinzon: Swwweeeetttttttt...... Seven is a cool number.  
  
Viceroy: Teeheehee...  
  
Shinzon looks at the viewscreen. The Enterprise is really close.  
  
Shinzon: I SEE you! -Cue evil laugh-  
  
[Stellar Cartography place on the Enterprise]  
  
Picard enters, not happy.  
  
Picard: What's up, Data?  
  
Data: Umm, there.  
  
He points at the screen.  
  
Picard: How long until we reach the rest of the fleet?  
  
Data: 47 minutes.  
  
Picard: 'For we see through a foggy mirror.'  
  
Data: Sir?  
  
Picard: He said he was a mirror of me.  
  
Data: Really? I don't think so.  
  
Picard: Oh? How so?  
  
Data: Well, even if the B-4 had the same capabilities of me, he wouldn't be me.  
  
Picard: How can you be sure?  
  
Data: I want to be better than I am. To be Human. The B-4 does not.  
  
Picard: So, why do you think Shinzon is different from me?  
  
Data: The events of your lives have created unique individuals.  
  
Picard: But I know how he thinks.  
  
Data: Maybe, but that's only one coincidence. You can't let that ruin your life.  
  
Picard: You're right, Data.  
  
Data: I know. ^-^  
  
The screen goes all fuzzy.  
  
Picard: What's happening?  
  
He clings to Data.  
  
Picard: I'm scared...  
  
Data: Relax; it's only the rift. Picture will clarify when we are out of the rift. We have also lost long-range comunica-  
  
They realize what's happening.  
  
Both: Oops.  
  
Picard: Will! Evasive Maneuvers! QUICKLY!  
  
I'm sorry this is shorter than the others, but I wanted Part Four the longest. ^-^ 


End file.
